In Conversation: Trust

My concept of trust was born when my best friend and I were stuck on a porch attached to my childhood room. The door had locked us out. We were eight years old. Stress levels were high. We were yelling, "HELP US" into the abyss of our quiet suburban neighborhood. I said, "no one is going to find us, trust me." She replied, "don't say trust me."  I responded frantically with the only bad word I knew, "SHUT UP."

After what felt like hours, probably 10 minutes, we sat down and accepted our defeat. We were angry at each other. She because I said, "shut up." Me because who responds to a death sentence with a critique? Succumbed to my curiosity, I asked why. She said, "When you say trust me and then it doesn't happen, I can't trust you anymore." 

My mother came up shortly after to let us inside. 

I learned two things that day. 1. In stressful situations yelling, HELP ME at the top of your lungs rarely helps. And 2. At eight years old, trust became something I never took for granted. 

Trusting myself.

I continued to learn that being trusted was a privilege and the ability to trust others was a gift. I also knew that sometimes we loose that trust and we can regain it.

It was much later in life that I learned the importance of trusting myself. Instead of beating myself up for trusting someone that I actually couldn't or questioning my choices in hard situations - I became content with every outcome.

I started to trust every decision I made, simply because I made it. I knew that if I didn't make a decision, then it wasn't suppose to happen. And if I made a decision that ended up hurting me (inevitable), it was absolutely suppose to. 

Trusting what I can't control.

Maybe my eight-year-old-smary-pants BFF was on to something. That something being that I am human and I will eventually fail. Like when I told her no one would find us and moments later my mother let us inside. I guess the only person that can honestly say "trust me" is the universe/God/your higher power because they will never fail.

Knowing this is the most liberating feeling. It actually makes me beyond excited for the future even though I have absolutely no idea what it holds. I trust that everything happens for a reason and that I have no real control in that. It's terrifyingly terrific. 

Trust is a a gift without expectation and a choice without doubt. It gives you the confidence to accept every situation for exactly how it is and gives you complete comfort in the unknown. 

Trust me. 

xx

P.s Shout out to my BFF, you da best