If you want to see what rejection feels like, watch the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Most of the contestants will cry about not getting a rose before they even slightly know the person. Because regardless of how serious it was or was going to be, it hurts.
At first it can feel like, "Excuse me...?"
And then quickly turn to:
So how do we take something as painful as not being chosen and choose to see it differently?
Using Rejection Powerfully:
Brought to you by Corinne from The Bachelor
Don't fear it
The pain of rejection is not something to undermine or to down play. It hurts and I really get that. The pain can be so bad that it leaves us not wanting to put ourselves into future vulnerable situations. The pain ultimately turns into fear and fear — is far more powerful than rejection.
At the end of the day, rejection is a simple step and you choose if it's forwards or backwards. It's a simple answer and you choose if it's right or wrong.
Anticipate that there will be pain, (the sucky kind, that has you questioning every move you made to lead up to said rejection) but know that every part of you is stronger than IT, because you have a choice to see it as a step forward.
Don't make it personal
Rejection hurts so badly because it's what makes us vulnerable and it challenges us. It's a perfect time for us to swim in the validation of our biggest insecurities, "SEE, I'm not good enough!! I'm not able to be loved!!" Go ahead, you fill in the blank.
Yes, that guy or girl isn't feeling it, that job didn't hire you, that person didn't respond to that email, text etc. But before we say "SEE..." Stop and remind yourself that:
1. You're whole and complete exactly as you are now.
2. If it didn't happen then it wasn't suppose to.
I like to say, this is a, "hands up, Lord —I trust you moment." Move on from it confidently by changing the conversation in your head (quickly if you can) from a personal attack to an, "Oh, sweet thanks for not letting me go down a path I wasn't suppose to."
Learn from it
Once you've detached, it's easy to say, "k. bye. next please." And as much as I'm SO for that, before you push it aside, it's helpful to ask questions and use rejection as a time to check in and grow. How can I be more direct in my emails? How can I be more vulnerable in my next relationship? How can I be more clear in my communication?
Look at rejection as growth opportunity and not as one lost.
Getting rejected means you're asking for things, you're pushing boundaries, you're showing fear who's boss, you're living BIG and you're being confident.
THAT'S AMAZING. YOU'RE AMAZING.